Legos: a Chaos of Colors

Dear all~

I'm sorry I've been so silent recently. There are three main reasons for this:

1) I have little free time.
-I'll spare you the details. But basically the combination of work + class + trying to write a thesis in one semester + preparing for post-graduation (I finish December 10th - craziness) + everyday life = very little time left over.

2) I've had a lot on my mind.
-You might think this would help blog writing, but for me, thoughtfulness (meaning "full of thoughts") hinders the writing process greatly. Why? Because every idea in my head wants to express itself at one time. Did you ever play with legos when you were a kid? This is kind of like that. If I have a bucket packed full of legos and I want to build lego buildings of all one color (i.e. a green building here, a yellow house there, etc.), then I will not try to squeeze my hand into the bucket and carefully select each color one at a time. That would take too long and become annoying. Instead, I will turn the bucket upside down, dump them all out at once, and then seperate the colors. But right now - with writing - I can only seem to get as far as dumping the bucket upside down. Due to reason #1, I never find the time to first seperate thoughts into like piles and to then form them into coherent ideas that may possibly be understood by me, let alone by others who exist outside of my head. So everytime I try to write, I only get as far as a chaos of color. And that might be pretty to someone, but to me it does not make sense.

3) I'm an English major.
-This explains why I refuse to reach into the bucket and pull out one lego at a time. I'm stubborn, and I want to write in a certain, coherent way. And usually that certain way requires a lot of time. And usually I don't mind taking a lot of time to write, because I enjoy the process. The process is a form of therapy for me, really. But whether I mind or not is irrelevant when reason #1 exists and rules.

4) Hope is in sight.
-I may attempt a new writing style soon, one that expresses the chaos of colors inside my head and heart. Perhaps this style will express reality more than my usual one. But whether or not I attempt it, December 10th is almost here. So in about a month, you may begin to hear from me regularly once again.

I hope you are well, and whoever you are - if I know you - I probably love and miss you.
Here's a hug: ***HUG*** (hug yourself and pretend it's from me ;-)

Namaste,

~your rafiki