Wait, you're not living with Megan anymore?! What happened? Where are you living?
So, what are you doing with your life now that you're done with college? You're working two part time jobs? Oh. So what do you do with all your free time?
Wait. Let me get this straight. You are living in the Gainesville Catholic Worker House? I thought you didn't like religious stuff anymore. Have you joined a cult or something?
Oh. So you have homeless people in your house everyday? That's... uh... cool. I guess.
I've heard all of these confused questions and seen (or imagined - because I'm paranoid about being misunderstood) lots of raised eyebrows over the last month as I tell people I've moved into the Gainesville Catholic Worker House. And if you are one of those confused people, I don't blame you. I never really know exactly how to explain (1) what this house is or (2) why I moved in here. The name is a little bit ambiguous if you know nothing about its history. At first glance, it looks uber-religious and pretty uninteresting. But while many of the people who live here, volunteer here, and visit here are unashamedly religious and/or Catholic, they remind me of no religious people I have ever before met. They are the craziest, coolest, and most confusing Catholics you'll ever meet - at least in Gainesville, anyways. They do religion in a really new - or as they like to say, a really old - way. But enough of that. We can talk about that later, if you wish. But that's a whole different blog entry...
What I want to do tonight is give you a glimpse of what an "average" day looks like for me while living at the GCW house. But I have a problem. What I'm attempting to do is impossible, because an "average" day does not really exist here. Each new day - at least from my experience so far - differs greatly from the one that came before it. I feel like I meet someone new every day. "Boring," "uneventful," and "predictable" rarely - if ever - describe life here.
So I've decided to just tell you about my day today.
That seems simple enough.
But I want to tell you something before I begin. As I tell you about my day, I will introduce you to several people whom you have not met before, but I will not mention their names. Many reasons exist for this anonymity, but my favorite reason is that anonymity places everyone on an equal playing field. Anonymity erases all prejudices and predispositions. Some of the people I will mention are college students; some are college graduates; some are homeless people; some have jobs, homes, and families; some do not. But none of that matters, because I call all of them friends and family. None of that matters, because I doubt you'll be able to differentiate between those who are homeless and those who are not. This is why I'm not afraid to live here, paranoid to live here, nor "weirded out" to live here. This is why I don't feel the need to lock away my belongings or even to lock my door. This is why I both want and need to live here. When I think of "homeless people," I don't think of "homeless people." I think of "homeless people." They are just ordinary people. Like you. Like me. Don't quite believe me? Read on and judge for yourself . . .
Every day at the GCW - just like every day anywhere else - has its ups and its downs. Life here is not perfect. The people here are not perfect. Some parts of the house need work. Some parts of people need work. But I think that's fabulous, because I'm not perfect either. :-) So I fit right in . . .
But today had more ups than it had downs, so I want to share with you some of today's humorous, warm, and eye-opening moments as they come to mind:
-Tonight I watched a 66 year old woman proudly and perfectly do the splits in our kitchen - and not once, but twice! My eyes almost popped out of my head with disbelief and amazement. Now I finally understand what it means to "see" without "believing."
-This morning two gorgeous hippy guys who've been (literally) living in the Ocala woods came over and helped us prepare food in exchange for a meal; when they left, each guy gave me a huge, warm hug. Their bear hugs made me feel safe, beautiful, and appreciated. :-)
-Tonight a friend of mine walked in my newly-decorated bedroom and gave me the most desirable compliment I can imagine: He said, "Wow, I feel like India Arie would love this room!"
-This evening, my coolest (and only) Egyptian friend met my housemate and me in our kitchen; he gave us huge hugs and loudly exclaimed, "My man, my lady, I got the job! I got the job! Can you believe it? I got the job! I don't even know what to say! Oh fuck! Thank God! I got the job!" And my heart still celebrates with him now, at 3 AM. :-)
-After dinner tonight I sat on the front steps and enjoyed the cool evening breeze while chatting with a new lady friend. As I did her hair, this woman began to tell me a little about her life - about her family, about her past and current hair stylists, about her bus drivers, about her weekend job at a nursing home. As I listened to this woman, her obvious compassion for people (despite being hurt by many people) began to challenge my own perspectives. When she told me about the bus driver she shares oranges with every night, I thought, "How personal and considerate." But when she declared (speaking about her nursing home patients), "I don't believe in retarded people," - I thought, "Wow. How revolutionary! How true. Why don't more people think and act this way? Why don't I think and act this way?" And so this "ordinary" woman unknowingly spoke Truth and Love to me tonight.
-Tonight, when I was walking from the shower to my bedroom, one of my newest big brothers smiled and said, "Kim, your hair smells nice." I just smiled back and said, "Thank you." Such a small compliment, but it still brings a huge smile to my face.
-Tonight I taught two guy friends - one younger, one older - how to bake sugar cookies from scratch. You learn baking just like you learn everything else in life: Trial and Error, my friends. Trial and Error. Then we ate both our mistakes and our successes. And both were delicious.
-In the quiet, peaceful hours of tonight, I rested on my fun futon couch next to a friend. Suddenly he said,
"Do you hear that? That would drive me crazy!"
"Do I hear what?"
"That. Those chimes."
Then I heard it. The tinkling of chimes blowing softly in the wind.
I whispered,
"Mmm... I do hear it now. And I kind of like it. It's pretty."
Then he said,
"Yeah. I guess I kind of like it, too."
And I still hear the chimes now as this entry slowly draws to a close. And I still like them. All the nightclubs let out about an hour ago, so everything is finally still, peaceful, and quiet here on NW 2nd Avenue - Except for the chimes, the soft rustling of wind through tree leaves, the gentle rain that began a moment ago, an occasional car or two, and the late-night/early-morning biker whizzing past my open window. All is dark, cool, and sweet. Like fresh spring air and a good night's sleep.
All of this - this is Love.
How can I not believe in and share Love when she gives herself to me anew everyday?
Faith
Hope
and
Love.
But the greatest of these is Love.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
What DO you believe?
"Kim, I hear you say all of these things you do not believe, so what I want to know is, what do you believe?"
Three weeks ago, a Muslim friend of mine asked me this while I sat around the dinner table with my new family at the Gainesville Catholic Worker House. His question stunned me.
To be honest, it still stuns me today.
After some silence, I responded with something like, “You know, I don’t really know what I believe about a lot of things right now. But I guess the one thing I do believe in is People. I really believe that people need one another. I don’t think independence is always a good thing; I don’t even really believe independence is possible; I think we are all dependent upon one another, and I think that is good.”
But since then, I’ve realized I also believe in something else: Love.
True, selfless, dangerous, contagious Love that sacrifices the well-being of the giver for the sake of the receiver:
"Are you ready to cut off your head and place your foot on it? If so, come; Love awaits you! Love is not grown in a garden, nor sold in the marketplace; whether you are a king or a servant, the price is your head, and nothing less. Yes, the cost of the elixir of love is your head! Do you hesitate? O miser, It is cheap at that price! "
~al-Ghazali (a Muslim philosopher and theologian)
"Poverty doesn't only consist of being hungry for bread, but rather it is a tremendous hunger for human dignity. We need to love and to be somebody for someone else . . . The world today is hungry to be wanted, to be loved."
~Mother Teresa (a Catholic nun of Calcutta, India)
"We have all known the long loneliness, and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community."
"Love is risky—even more than war. But risk it anyway!"
~Dorothy Day (co-founder of the Catholic Worker movement)
Dorothy Day's quote about the riskiness of true Love reminds me of al-Ghazali's quote about cutting off your head and replacing it with your foot. This sort of Love sounds ridiculous. But it's truer than it first appears. All true, world-changing Love requires a sacrifice few are willing to give: A sacrifice that seeks the well-being of others before the well-being of oneself. Few people ever learn or dare or care to love that way. But that is the only kind of Love that has ever changed the world. Truly, I think that is the only kind of real Love, period. All other forms are false, cheap, worthless imitations. Yet few people ever risk the cost of abandoning the imitation to pursue the genuine. Perhaps they hesitate because – like al-Ghazali – they are aware that the pursuit may cost them much more than an arm or a leg (i.e., it will cost them their head), or perhaps they refrain because they have never seen first hand the awesome beauty and life-changing power of genuine, selfless Love. Perhaps they do not realize that the Real Thing is better than the fake. Perhaps - because they have never experienced it - they do not even believe the Real Thing exists. But whatever the reason, I guess the world’s reluctance to pursue the genuine explains why fool's love - like fool's gold - remains common, cheap, and disappointing while the Real Thing remains rare. And I guess the reluctance to pursue real, world-changing Love explains why the world so rarely changes.
But since then, I’ve also realized that the only reason I believe in such a crazy kind of Love is because I have seen and experienced it firsthand. I know Love works because I have seen it work. I know Love can change the world because Love has already changed and continues to change me. I love others because others have loved me. True Love is a like a contagious disease: Once you come into contact with it, you cannot help but catch it and then spread it.
And so my prayer and Hope for today are that somehow - despite my many imperfections - people who feel unloved will experience the same crazy, life-changing Love through my imperfect life that I have experienced through the lives of other imperfect people. My prayer and my Hope are that – as people continue to catch and spread this Love and as individual lives continue to be changed by this Love – this Love will continue to change the world. Call me idealistic, illogical, young, and naïve if you wish. But I have seen and experienced and felt the healing, freeing, beautiful work of Love.
And so I believe in Love.
And this belief in Love causes me to audaciously Hope for change.
Yes we can.
Because yes Love can.
Love changes things.
And because we can Love, we can also hope for and help bring change.
You and me – we – can love.
We – you and me – can change—first ourselves, and then the world.
One of my new family members just came back from Paris, and she said on Obama’s inauguration day, all the newspapers in France ran his story on their front pages and one even called Obama the “President for the World.” If all world citizens could have voted, they would have elected Obama, too. That makes me happy. That gives me Hope.
But Obama is just one man, and he has his hands tied in many ways. I do hope for him, but I also hope for ordinary people like you and like me. Obama alone cannot bring about genuine, effective, and lasting change. Real change, real Love, must start with you and me. Only when you and I begin to make changes in our everyday lives will we begin to see changes in our everyday world. If we hope for a world that is full of Peace and Love, then we must practice and embody Peace and Love with our own everyday thoughts, attitudes, words, actions, decisions, and ways of life.
We must be Peace and Love to the world.
So for today, at least, this is what I believe.
But now, what I want to know is, what do YOU believe?
Three weeks ago, a Muslim friend of mine asked me this while I sat around the dinner table with my new family at the Gainesville Catholic Worker House. His question stunned me.
To be honest, it still stuns me today.
After some silence, I responded with something like, “You know, I don’t really know what I believe about a lot of things right now. But I guess the one thing I do believe in is People. I really believe that people need one another. I don’t think independence is always a good thing; I don’t even really believe independence is possible; I think we are all dependent upon one another, and I think that is good.”
But since then, I’ve realized I also believe in something else: Love.
True, selfless, dangerous, contagious Love that sacrifices the well-being of the giver for the sake of the receiver:
"Are you ready to cut off your head and place your foot on it? If so, come; Love awaits you! Love is not grown in a garden, nor sold in the marketplace; whether you are a king or a servant, the price is your head, and nothing less. Yes, the cost of the elixir of love is your head! Do you hesitate? O miser, It is cheap at that price! "
~al-Ghazali (a Muslim philosopher and theologian)
"Poverty doesn't only consist of being hungry for bread, but rather it is a tremendous hunger for human dignity. We need to love and to be somebody for someone else . . . The world today is hungry to be wanted, to be loved."
~Mother Teresa (a Catholic nun of Calcutta, India)
"We have all known the long loneliness, and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community."
"Love is risky—even more than war. But risk it anyway!"
~Dorothy Day (co-founder of the Catholic Worker movement)
Dorothy Day's quote about the riskiness of true Love reminds me of al-Ghazali's quote about cutting off your head and replacing it with your foot. This sort of Love sounds ridiculous. But it's truer than it first appears. All true, world-changing Love requires a sacrifice few are willing to give: A sacrifice that seeks the well-being of others before the well-being of oneself. Few people ever learn or dare or care to love that way. But that is the only kind of Love that has ever changed the world. Truly, I think that is the only kind of real Love, period. All other forms are false, cheap, worthless imitations. Yet few people ever risk the cost of abandoning the imitation to pursue the genuine. Perhaps they hesitate because – like al-Ghazali – they are aware that the pursuit may cost them much more than an arm or a leg (i.e., it will cost them their head), or perhaps they refrain because they have never seen first hand the awesome beauty and life-changing power of genuine, selfless Love. Perhaps they do not realize that the Real Thing is better than the fake. Perhaps - because they have never experienced it - they do not even believe the Real Thing exists. But whatever the reason, I guess the world’s reluctance to pursue the genuine explains why fool's love - like fool's gold - remains common, cheap, and disappointing while the Real Thing remains rare. And I guess the reluctance to pursue real, world-changing Love explains why the world so rarely changes.
But since then, I’ve also realized that the only reason I believe in such a crazy kind of Love is because I have seen and experienced it firsthand. I know Love works because I have seen it work. I know Love can change the world because Love has already changed and continues to change me. I love others because others have loved me. True Love is a like a contagious disease: Once you come into contact with it, you cannot help but catch it and then spread it.
And so my prayer and Hope for today are that somehow - despite my many imperfections - people who feel unloved will experience the same crazy, life-changing Love through my imperfect life that I have experienced through the lives of other imperfect people. My prayer and my Hope are that – as people continue to catch and spread this Love and as individual lives continue to be changed by this Love – this Love will continue to change the world. Call me idealistic, illogical, young, and naïve if you wish. But I have seen and experienced and felt the healing, freeing, beautiful work of Love.
And so I believe in Love.
And this belief in Love causes me to audaciously Hope for change.
Yes we can.
Because yes Love can.
Love changes things.
And because we can Love, we can also hope for and help bring change.
You and me – we – can love.
We – you and me – can change—first ourselves, and then the world.
One of my new family members just came back from Paris, and she said on Obama’s inauguration day, all the newspapers in France ran his story on their front pages and one even called Obama the “President for the World.” If all world citizens could have voted, they would have elected Obama, too. That makes me happy. That gives me Hope.
But Obama is just one man, and he has his hands tied in many ways. I do hope for him, but I also hope for ordinary people like you and like me. Obama alone cannot bring about genuine, effective, and lasting change. Real change, real Love, must start with you and me. Only when you and I begin to make changes in our everyday lives will we begin to see changes in our everyday world. If we hope for a world that is full of Peace and Love, then we must practice and embody Peace and Love with our own everyday thoughts, attitudes, words, actions, decisions, and ways of life.
We must be Peace and Love to the world.
So for today, at least, this is what I believe.
But now, what I want to know is, what do YOU believe?
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