when Peace doesn't come

What do we do when peace fails to come?

We must realize that peace doesn't have to fit our time frame;
She functions independently from our expectations of her.

So we must wait.
Peace is gift.
We can't just demand to have her whenever, wherever, and however we want her.
We can ask for her. We can search for her.
But in the end, she must be given to us.
So we must wait.

But what to do when we're tired of waiting? What to do when it feels like we've been waiting for weeks and months - even years - with what feels like no progress? What to do when the people around us demand to see the progress for which we've "wasted" our time waiting? What to do when our own minds demand to see the same? What to do when we have nothing to show? What to do when it feels as if we may still be standing in the same place in line as we were six months ago?

Why does waiting so rarely involve patience?
Can we remember a time in our lives when we patiently waited for anything at all: an event, a person, a feeling? Whether we're waiting in line at the grocery store, waiting to hear back from a job or program application, waiting to hear from a special someone, or waiting for Peace to come, it seems we usually wait impatiently. Not patiently.

So what to do when we're tired of waiting? We do have other options besides waiting, and when we realize this, sometimes we take advantage of them. We can try to busy ourselves with other thoughts and simply forget we have an unmet need for Peace. We can search Elsewhere for Peace. But somedays it feels like we've searched Everywhere for Peace without finding her. Peace, Peace, oh where are you hiding? Oh. Maybe we forgot to check this spot. Let's search there.

Sometimes Peace comes through Nature.
But yesterday, Nature failed me.
Yesterday I sat on the beach for the first time in over a year and expected the power, the beauty, the mystery of the ocean to bring me Peace. The eternal waves, the ever-changing sky, the constant sea breeze, the horizon that can never be reached: these have all given me Peace in the past.
But not yesterday.
Yesterday the sight of the turbulent waves only reflected rather than calmed the unrest in my soul. Yesterday, as the gentle sea breeze caressed my face, it laughed at my inner distress. But it only laughed because its soft carress could not reach my depths.
Yesterday I watched the sun light up the world. Yet as I watched, it burnt my skin but failed to light up my soul.

Sometimes Peace comes with remembering We belong to each other
(thank you Mother Teresa).
But yesterday, We failed me.
Or at least it felt that way.

Or is it possible that Me failed me?
Perhaps I have forgotten to search within myself for Peace?
But I do not feel she is hiding there.

I feel Peace comes from Somewhere outside of me.
Maybe she even comes from Someone outside of We.

Somehow I doubt Peace can be found by searching.
She is a gift.
But even if we do succeed in finding her
(As a child discovers a hidden present before Christmas morning),
Because she is a gift, she won't yet belong to us.
Even if we hold her in our hands, we can't have her
Until
She is given to us.

So we must wait.
Can we learn to wait patiently?
I hope so, yet I doubt.
I doubt my ability to wait patiently in the midst of a world, in the midst of a mind, that demand tangible progress and proof.

But what if Peace can only come after we have learned to wait patiently?
What if Peace IS waiting with patience?
Then we must learn how to wait patiently.
We must learn this together and individually.

But what to do if Peace still doesn't come?

What to do when we're tired of waiting?

What to do when we don't have any answers?